May-ish Thoughts

So, it's the middle of May already. How did that happen? I think I say this every month, but this month has just flown by! I don't even have any real great stories to tell.

Work has been super crazy and busy. I've been helping out with web apps (loans people apply for online), and it keeps me quite busy. I've got about 64 loans on my list right now (some are done, some were denials, but still!) But I have to say, I love it. It keeps me busy, and I'm learning new things. Some weeks/days are definitely harder than others, like when people want their loans done RIGHT NOW, even though you've told them that you need information before you can continue, or nothing about the loan goes right. But then there are good days, like yesterday, where I got the app on Thursday, the guy got me all the information I needed and I was able to close it by noon yesterday. It was awesome! I really do enjoy it, and like being busy. Especially since that is something I can still do with no problems. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I've had to make a few adjustments at work due to my health, and I feel like I'm not doing as much as I should/used to, so to have all these loans, and be able to work on them, and actually do them since there really are no physical limitations for me, it just helps me feel better. I know that probably makes no sense, but oh well. My job is great, my co-workers are the best.

For our May Relief Society Activity, we went to the USU Greenhouse where the sisters were able to pick out plants and soil at a discounted price. They've been doing it for years, even though the guy who runs the greenhouse is no longer in our ward. His daughter is, so it's a fun activity for the sisters. we had a great turnout, and I got to pretend to be a mommy for a few minutes, while pushing my friend's sweet little baby around in her stroller so mommy  could pick out some plants. Psh, I could so do that full-time! ;)

And speaking of mommy. Happy Mother's Day to my sweet mom, and my sweet Grandma. Love you guys!

And speaking of Mother's Day. Are you ready for my thoughts on that day? I'm going to warn you that some of you may get offended. I'm #sorrynotsorry. You getting offended is your choice, which, ironically is part of my thoughts on this day.

So, Mother's Day. I was conducting, as I was the only member of the Relief Society presidency who would be there, so all morning I was thinking of a way to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day without offending those who weren't mothers. It really got me thinking. I have read so many stories about women who just get so incredibly offended on Mother's Day because they don't have children yet, or they have had trouble getting pregnant, or carrying children, or for whatever reason. As I thought about it though, people will choose to be offended whether I said something or not.

So I got up and wished everyone a Happy Mother's Day. As I further sat through church, I watched the two babies that were in Relief Society with their moms. I just sat and stared at them and thought how wonderful it would be to be a mom. Was I jealous? Absolutely! Was I angry? Not one bit.

The sacrament talks were given by a darling Samoan family. As I listened to the mom and dad speak, I couldn't help but think, "How could anyone possibly hate Mother's Day?"

A: We all have mothers!
B: We have all been influenced by mothers.
C: Hating Mother's Day because you aren't a mother, is like hating someone on their birthday because it's not your birthday. (Okay, bad analogy, but I couldn't think of a real good one!)

I think getting offended or hating Mother's Day is a totally selfish act. Am I saying that you can't be a little sad on that day? Not at all. But to come right out and say I hate Mother's Day, or I'm not celebrating Mother's Day is completely selfish.

Now, what do I really know about this topic?

Am I mother? No.
Have I experienced the heartache of trying and not being able to conceive children? No.
Have I experienced miscarriages, or the loss of a child? No.

So what do I know, right?

Well, let me tell you about my situation. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka, LDS, or Mormon), and I live in Utah. I have been married for nearly NINE years, and I have ZERO children. If you know the typical Mormon stereotypes, you'd think I would have been kicked out of Utah seven years ago. For our own reasons we put off having children for a while. There have been so many times during the past nine years that I've been sad, angry, and frustrated that it's never been my turn, and that EVERY OTHER WOMAN I SEE IS PREGNANT. (I do live in Utah.)

So, you could say that it's my own choice that I haven't had children. Yes it was, but at this point in my life, it's not entirely my choice anymore. I have been 'sick' for the past 2 years. There is no possible way that my body could physically bear a child. You think it doesn't kill me to think that this is something that could have been avoided had we had children earlier? And then I think that even if I had children, would I be able to properly care for them? I mean, I can't bend over and pick things off the ground, I can't dress my self, I can barely lift my purse, so what makes me think I'd be able to pick up my crying child? So, therefore, I am not a mother. I have not experienced not being able to conceive, or miscarriage, but I still CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN. I'm not trying to be insensitive to those of you in those situations, I'm just pointing out that even though my situation is different than yours, the longing for a child is the same.

Okay, so now for the point of this. Again, I sat there thinking, "How could anyone get offended or upset on Mother's Day?" Yes, it can be a very difficult time and day, but if you choose to get offended about something like that, then you need to step back and take another look at your life. You are a woman. You are a mother. Maybe not now, but someday. Maybe not to your own children, but to nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors, etc. The sister who spoke gave a great example of her older sister who hasn't had the opportunity to have children of her own, but who still has cared for her siblings, and her siblings children like they were her own. I just think if I never have kids of my own, I'm still gonna be way cooler than my niece's and nephew's moms. I'll be the one that spoils them rotten, takes them to the park, on picnics, gives them their first fake ID....kidding. But let's face it. Kids think their aunts are way cooler than their own moms. So I've got that advantage.

I am not perfect. My close friends know that I often complain or get sad that I have no children. My husband knows how frustrated I am. But at the end of the day, I just take a step back and think, "The Lord has a plan for me. He has a plan for my children. Everything will work out." Somedays are harder than others, but surprisingly Mother's Day wasn't one of them. Whatever your situation, just remember, the Lord has a plan f or you. He knows your pains, struggles, and innermost thoughts and feelings. You aren't being punished, it's just not the right time. No it's not easy, but if you continue to be offended about things, then you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life. If you can't find joy now, what makes you think that you'll have joy when the children do come? My understsanding is that everything gets 100 times harder.

But what do I know? I'm just a childless 27 year old Mormon who has been married forEVER, with an awesome life!


Olivia said...

Bre, I loved this! I agree, even if you're not a mother, we all have mothers, and shouldn't we all be pretty happy about that?

Stephanie Kay said...

Bre, I might have teared up a little bit when I read this. This is great. I often feel so old that I don't have kids and always have the question of whether or not I even can have kids someday...who knows really...I've never tried. But yeah...this was a great read. Thank you.

Maira Gall